Saying no is hard for a lot of people. The reason for some people’s inability to say no may range from cultural to personal limitations and beliefs which lead to some discomfort in saying no to people. The word ‘no’ is undesirable because some people feel guilty for saying it while others feel the need to not make other people feel bad for saying no. In some cases, this discomfort with saying no stems from a culture of caring about people enough not to want to hurt them by declining a request.
I was raised in a culture that made me unconsciously prioritise other people’s feelings over my own; this largely made it difficult for me to say no to people. However, I have worked it out and found a way to say it without being rude or feeling guilty; even if I do feel a bit bad for saying no, I am clear that it will ultimately liberate and stop me from doing anything I do not want to do.
These are three quick and easy ways to say no politely without feeling guilty or making the other person feel bad.
1. No, I’m unable to do that
You say this when you want to be direct yet nice. If the person you are saying no to is someone that you respect, you can say, “I’m sorry but I’m unable to do that”. Whether you say this with a smile or not depends on you, and the circumstance under which you are saying no. Sometimes, you do not need to explain. Saying no in this manner helps you say no in a few words without losing your sanity.
2. No, I’m unable to do that at this time
One of the best ways to say without feeling bad is to let the person involved know that the timing is inconvenient. You can say, “no, I’m unable to do that at this time because I have other engagements which have occupied my time, however, I appreciate you bringing it forward”. Keep it simple!
3. I appreciate your effort, however, it does not align with my current journey
You can say this especially when it relates to opportunities being presented to you that you are not interested in. For example, is often difficult for people to acknowledge that some jobs or gigs presented to them will distort their existing plans.
In other words, a lot of people are uncertain as to how to present this in a way that does not make them feel awkward or uncomfortable for declining. You can simply say, “I appreciate the opportunity, however, this does not align with my current goals so I’m going to have to decline. I truly appreciate you bringing it forward to me”. Saying this is enough as trying to explain any further might make it sound like you’re only making excuses. It is good to be straightforward yet warm.
I must emphasise that the above are meant to guide you in situations where you want to say no without feeling guilty or hurting the feelings of the other person involved. These do not apply to cases of harassment. In situations of sexual harassment for example, it is vital to say no and be emphatic without trying to be nice or massage the ego and feelings of the abuser. These tips are for professional settings or friendships and meant to help you say no when you need to say no without being rude or feeling guilty.
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